My Life.

My Nightmare

Apr. 15th, 2008 at 4:02 AM

Tonite I couldn't sleep at all. Tomorrow (well technically an hour and a half from now) is a big day at work. Both my bosses are gone. One is on vacation and the other has the day off (her only one this week) so it's just me and another girl all morning. So it's a pretty big deal because if we mess anything up, it kinda screws up the whole day. Anyway perhaps it was the anticipation but in any event I couldn't sleep, at about 1:30 I decided I'd have to stay up all night because if I did fall asleep then I'd for sure sleep in even with my alarm on. (I have a tendency to shut it off and fall right back asleep) So I came downstairs tried reading, going online, coloring, and watching tv but I was SO exhausted I knew I'd never make it all night, that and my stomach was bugging me. So I tried to get to bed one last time, which worked, but if I had known what I was going to dream about. I never would have gone to sleep. It started off in the car with my best friend Melissa. My car, she was driving, she left for whatever reason and I began to fall asleep. I heard something and startled awake for a split second, long enough to see a shadowy figure approaching my unlocked car. I was so tired I immediately fell back asleep until my brain went into overdrive and woke me up, realizing what I had just seen. By that time I had a split second to lock my door, he was at my driver's side window. I just kept thinking, get the keys, start the car and go. but he was too close, I'd have to get into the seat right beside him, near the window he could easily break. He smashed it to smitherines and I was frantically dialing 911. But not soon enough. He unlocked the door, ripped me from the car. I put up the biggest fight I could, he hit me with something hard, I could see all the blood on the ground, coming from my head, he brutally raped me three times, and left me for dead. He said, brandishing my stolen wallet, equipped with my license and any other information he needed on me, "If you tell a soul, I know where you live, I'll come back for you." Melissa called me a million times, seeing if I made it home okay, I didn't answer so she came back and found me lying on the ground beside my car, when I came to I told her everything and made her promise not to bring me to the doctors or emergency room. Although I needed it badly, I wanted to tell my parents, my boyfriend, face to face. He did know where I lived, (in my dream, though not in real life) he worked for my dad. The next day I quietly asked my Dad if he'd like to go to the store with me to pick some things up. He heard me and didn't like it, he ran into the room and asked if he could go too. That night I was alone with Melissa eating dinner in my house, we sat at the island in my kitchen and I sat so close to her she could hardly eat. She keep reassuring me I'd be fine, but I didn' t even want to go to the bathroom alone. She stood outside the door and talked to me the whole time, I let her in and she bandaged my head for me. My hair was the only thing covering the enormous gash in my head just above my left temple. The next day I had to drive to Jeff's by myself. I made it there okay but he was tailing me, I told Jeff, I knew he'd kill him but I had to tell him, I needed him to know. Tears started shredding down my cheeks, he held me and I was rocking back and forth in his arms. He held me by the shoulders, at arms length and said, "Look at me, Chelsea. Look at me, I will NEVER let anyone hurt you again. Okay. Okay?" He wasn't satisfied until I gave him a teary, shaky nod and then he got up with the sound of the back door creaking. He broke in and I told Jeff to be careful because I knew he'd have some kind of weapon. There was a big fight, both had knifes, he was coming after me, I knocked over a few tables and one that had candles, lit his shirt on fire. I woke up with a jolt, shaking, crying, and feeling ready to throw up everywhere. It was so real. It was SO real. I felt everything. I was there. It happened. I couldn't get back to sleep after that. I couldn't. Not with the chance of reliving it. Even of continuing it. So here I am, writing it down, dreading the second my alarm goes off and I have to get into my car, drive to work alone, and walk into work alone. 24 minutes left. I'm still shaking.

Mood:terrified

My New Outlook

Apr. 8th, 2008 at 3:49 PM

15 minutes of exercise a day.
eat well.
eat less.
feel good.
take out stress on an exercise bike.
don't eat before bed.
just live better.

Mood: optimistic

My Three Year Anniversary.

Mar. 2nd, 2008 at 9:43 AM

My three year anniversary with my lovely boyfriend Jeffrey is tomorrow. I'm SOOOO excited. However I'm pretty worried as well. Yesterday I woke up with an awful cold. I have been hacking up a lung ever since and blowing my nose until there's no nose left to blow. Luckily today I do feel a little bit better. I think sleeping helped a lot to make me feel a little less weak than I had been feeling. I'm praying that this will all be over by tomorrow and I don't have to deal with being sick and trying to enjoy my anniversary at the same time. On the upside I got Jeff some really awesome gifts. I paid an INSANE amount of money for a Wii on Ebay because they're impossible to find elsewhere. And of course the song I wrote for him which I'm hoping he'll love because every syllabel came straight from my heart. I just can't wait for the big unveiling. I could give a shit less what he gets me, I just wanna give him his gifts already. = ) THREE YEARS!!!! It's insane. But I'd rather be crazy with Jeff than sane without him. I love him so much. Ups and downs, good and bad, I'll take all of it.

Mood: loved

My Time in the Studio

Mar. 2nd, 2008 at 9:35 AM

I wrote and recorded a song in the studio. It was about my boyfriend, for a special gift for our three year anniversary that is tomorrow. I managed to keep it a complete secret and can't wait to spill the beans. The song is called "In Your Arms." I was also lucky enough to have an amazingly talented pianist write a piece for it. I love being in the studio. I just plan old miss singing in front of people. I think the song was a success. I also recorded a few other songs while I was there. Unfortunately, I could not find accompaniment on the other songs, in time, seeing as they were a last minute thought. So all the songs except the one I wrote became acapella. Most of them I was happy with but I didn't like how two of them came out. Oh well, that could just be me being overly critical of myself. Either way I had a wonderful time and hope to be visiting the studio again in the near future.

Mood: accomplished

My Day.

Feb. 24th, 2008 at 11:14 AM

Today is my day.

Mood: accomplished

My Best Friend's Boyfriend's Amazing Musicalness

Feb. 20th, 2008 at 12:33 AM

I had the best day ever yesterday. I finally got to collaborate with Derek on the song I wrote about / for Jeff. I was sooo excited. He is very talented and was great to work with. I felt bad though because he knows so much about music, whereas I know nothing, I just sing. So I can only imagine how frustrating I must have been to work with. I just hope he didn't feel like he was banging his head against the wall. I am in love with the piano part he wrote. It is absolutely beautiful. It might sound REALLY corny but I played the recording through for my Dad this morning, and actually started tearing up because it's so pretty. I feel like he did an amazing job of capturing the emotion and meaning of the lyrics and bringing that through with the piano part. It's exactly how I pictured it would be. There needs to be more work on it on my part but I have a few days to work with the recording I have of it. I think I've got the timing down now, I practiced a ton today, just with the piano track. I'd love to work with him again on something, not limited by time...even though my understanding of music in the technical sense is minimal and his is vast. After we finished on the song I was washing some dishes, (least I could do since he and his friends were nice enough to include me in their lovely dinner party, which included loads of delicious homemade food) and Derek was playing the piano. If I could listen to that every time I washed the dishes, I would never leave the sink. It's so pretty. I never realized how much I had missed being around music until now. I feel so alive when in it's presence. So fulfilled and happy. I'm glad and lucky to have met Derek and feel that he is partly responsible for my musical reawakening.
I also had a lovely time with him, Nathan, Bonnie, Eric and Lauren. The funniest bunch of people I've been around in a while. It was really sweet of them to invite me to the dinner party/potluck they had at Bonnie's. EVERYTHING was delicious. Bonnie's appetizer (cucumbers with cream cheese stuffing) which was to die for. Lauren's bruschetta which was equally as amazing. And Derek's scrumptious soup that I had no problem helping myself to seconds of. And of course the aesthetically pleasing and mouth orgasmic pecan tart Derek brought from Pastiche. I also thoroughly enjoyed the game we played, (which I can't remember the name of at the moment). All around it was an incredible day, spent with incredible people that I hope to be seeing more of.

Mood: ecstatic

My Sick Day.

Feb. 17th, 2008 at 11:45 PM

This morning I woke up at about 9am. I had one of the worst migraines I have ever had. So I ran downstairs and took some Aspirin to get rid of my headache and went back up to bed. At around 11:30ish I got a call from my best friend Nate. Realizing right away that I still have a massive migraine I went back downstairs, about to take some more medicine when my stomach started to churn. My mom saw me and told me to call in. I told her I felt like I might throw up and she said my face was white a blank sheet of paper. So I called in, which I can assure you I'm going to pay for because it's Tina's week off at work, and they had no one to replace me. However, I never call in and if I had gone in I probably would have fainted, feeling like I did and trying to lift heavy things all night. So I don't really care what they think. Anyway after that incident I stayed up for a while, watched an amazing movie that I will recommend to anyone, called Recognizing Saints starring Shia Lebeouf whom is not only freaking HOTT but an amazing actor. The movie was incredible, it was movie, it was real. It was a true story. Definitely one of my favorite movies of all time. After the movie I took some more Aspirin because my migraine still didn't go away. And sure enough I got sick right after that again. I think because I took it on an empty stomach the medicine was making me nauseous. My parent's were having my Uncle Bruce and his wife Kelly over for dinner so I managed to be okay the entire time they were here. Right up until dinner time, right before dinner was when I took the second round of Aspirin just before my mom called everyone into the kitchen to eat I started getting sick. And our bathroom is folding, so you can hear everything that goes on in the bathroom. With the kitchen table five feet away there was no way I could be getting sick while everyone was eating dinner so I grabbed a bucket and retired to my room. I managed to stave off getting sick and went to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up my headache and stomach had finally stopped hurting. I feel fine now. No relapses yet, I won't be taking any Aspirin anymore though. After dinner I hung out and talked with the fam and our guests. It was nice seeing them, they're great people. I hung out with Melissa for a bit when they left and I started feeling better. We just chatted about this and that it was nice to get out of the house. Tomorrow is the big Derek day. = ) I can't wait to finally work with him on the song. I'm scared about driving up there though, I'm not very good with new places and my check engine light was on all day today so I'm really nervous. Hopefully I make it there okay, everything goes well and I sound good. Goodnight everyone

Mood: cheerful

My Steady Ground.

Feb. 17th, 2008 at 1:45 AM

Part of me is falling.
Part of me is folding.
Part of me just can't get up.
Part of me is crumbled.
Just stuck in this rut.
And time passes on by.
Leaving me unsympathetically behind.
And every time I try to stand.
And reach out for a hand.
There's no one reaching back.
My legs just can't support my weight anymore.
Buckling under the pressure.
I try to change.
Things remain the same.
I put a smile on my face.
Be all that I can be.
Help everyone so maybe they could help me.
But I can't rely on anyone but me.
And how can I trust myself.
When I give up so easily.
All I want is to make to my feet again.
I'm so sick and tired of being down here struggling.
All I need to find is some steady ground.
And sturdy feet to stand on.

Mood: gloomy

My Valentine's Surgery.

Feb. 15th, 2008 at 3:17 PM

I spent three wonderful days off this week with my boyfriend, Jeff. Granted, I really wish that the reason I had them off, was not because he had surgery on his wrist. However, I think it could be a very good thing in the long run. On the upside, every second that I spent with him was lovely. I woke up every morning, greeted by a kiss and hug. He just seemed so thankful that he had me to go through this with him. I just think it's times like this that make him realize even more so that I'd bend over backwards, and do just about anything for him. Last night, he got sick of being cooped up all day in the house so we went to Starbucks for some coffee. Just to get out for a few. I thanked him for the coffee and gave him a big hug and told him I loved him. He said I love you too, and then said thank you. Somewhat confused I said, what for? And he said, "For loving me." It was so sweet. He might not say things like that every single day of the year, and I know for sure it wasn't just because it was Valentine's Day either, but it was just SO nice to know he appreciates me. And acknowledges that I do and will love him no matter what. I gave him a less graceful reply of "You don't have to thank me, I'll always love you." He said it was a little cliche. = P And I guess it is. But I meant it. I really did. He means everything to me and nothing in the world could keep me from him. Not one moment in time could bring me more happiness than to find myself, curled up in his arms, knowing and feeling that nothing in the world could ever harm me. It's true that no one is perfect, but Jeff, is perfect for me.

Mood: loved

My Dad's Birthday.

Feb. 10th, 2008 at 11:40 AM

My Daddy is 45 today but not a day over 12 at heart, and that's all that really matters. My Mom and I took my Dad to The Symposium for breakfast. It was delicious. And actually didn't cost anything because we had a 30 dollar gift card. I put 61 dollars on his Starbucks card because I had borrowed it a few times and spent way too much, so I decided to even it out and make it 100 on his card. I told him I won't borrow it anymore either. So now the balance is where it is when he first got the card and he doesn't have to share it with me. I couldn't think of anything else to get him and when I asked he didn't have an answer. So I thought he'd like it. He did. = ) Unfortunately my Mom and I are both working today and my brother is in Boston. So none of us are really gonna get the chance to spend time with my dad today. The next week for me will be crazy because of Jeff's surgery but once that all blows over I plan on taking a day off and doing something nice with him. I think he's going to have to go up to Southboro and plow tonight anyway. Kind of a bummer. But it's another paycheck I guess. I hope he has a good birthday. <33

Mood: hopeful

My Best Friend

Feb. 10th, 2008 at 12:10 AM

So life isn't perfect.
I'll be unperfect with you.
So life is crazy.
I'll be crazy with you.
If you're in pain,
I'll be pained with you.
If you think you're to blame,
I'll take the blame for you.
So you think it's funny.
I'll laugh along with you.
And if you're crying,
I'll steal the tears from you.
If you're feeling lonely,
Know that I'm right here with you.
If you feel yourself falling,
Know that I'll land beside you.
And if you ever doubt it,
Know that all of this is true.
I love you because,
You do all these things for me too.

Mood: rejuvenated

My 101 In 1001

Feb. 10th, 2008 at 12:04 AM

Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

1. Start college.

2. Sponsor a child.

3. Finding a home for the stray kittens.

4. Do five things from Nathan's list with him:

- Build a sandcastle.

- Make something from snow.

- 26 Things scavenger hunt

- Watch the sunrise and sunset consecutively (in either order) with someone.

- Go sledding.

5. Take a photo every day for 24 days.

6. Write down my dreams every morning when I wake up for 24 days.

7. Watch Scrubs Season 1-7 consecutively but not necessarily a marathon or anything, just in order.

8. Get a defining hairstyle or color, the type of thing people remember you by.

9. Lose twenty four pounds (in any amount of time)

10. Put 50 dollars a week in my savings account for 24 weeks in a row. ($1200)

11. Record three complete songs in the studio, at least one of them being my own.

12. Go to an art museum.

13. Sing at Aha Night.

14. Sing at a BIG event, broadcast on television.

~~15. Go to Church.~~ (completed on 2-6-08)

~~16. Buy something really nice for someone, for no particular reason or occasion.~~ (completed on 1-18-08)

17. Take a joy ride on a boat.

18. Travel somewhere I have never been before with someone I love.

19. See a band or solo artist I really like, in concert.

20. Write a song a day for twenty four days in a row.

21. Write a "Reasons Why I Love You" list about 5 people of my choosing 24 reasons long and mail it to them anonymously.

22. Attend 5 Pride Alliance meetings with Nathan.

23. Finger Paint and hang it somewhere public where it can be seen by everyone.

24. Participate in "You are Beautiful"

~~25. Drive through the field.~~ (completed on 1/13/08 at approx. 10pm)

26. Write another list once I complete everything on this one.

27. Inspire someone.

28. Write a PostSecret postcard and send it to Frank.

29. Legally change my name to Chelsea Lianne Bisaillon Taylor.

30. Create some sort of portfolio or writings, (poetry, songs, papers, etc.), photographs, drawings, paintings, anything I can conjure up.

31. Get another job.

32. Get a digital camera that's strictly mine.

33. Take a large canvas and paint something meaningful on it and tac it to my ceiling in my room.

34. Collect 24 seashells and display in some way in my room.

35. Visit the memorial bench for Uncle Doug.

~~36. Get involved with a band or local artist that's interested in callaborating with me.~~ (completed on 2-6-08)

37. Make a Myspace page (or regular webpage) that features songs that are Chelsea Taylor originals... recordings.. perhaps even videos.

~~38. Take some sort of French class or try to learn French again on my own.~~ (completed in 1-08)

39. Be at least half done with a cohesive novel .

~~40. Clean, and keep my room clean for 24 days straight.~~(Completed on 1/12/08)

41. Make a cd with all the songs I believe I've "mastered."

42. Write an inspirational message on a one dollar bill that is being tracked.

43. Take something out from the Library and return it before it is due.

44. Scream at the top of my lungs.

45. Push myself to have the courage to do something NO ONE else (I am with) will do.

46. Find a recipe I really like, buy all the ingredients, make it completely from scratch, bring it to a party and tell no one I made it and see what they think of it.

47. Volunteer at some sort of soup kitchen.

48. Sing for the elderly in a nursing home or assisted living place.

49. Make snow angels.

50. Eat one Organic food a day for 24 days.

51. Take a day off to spend with Carol.

52. See the ball drop in Times Squares.

53. Finish all poems/songs that are half completed.

54. Audition for something.

55. Sing karaoke at the Orchid.

~~56. Buy a star to name after someone.~~ (completed on 2-7-08)

57. Write Natasha a letter.

58. Make and bury a time capsule.

59. Make a photodiary of all the things I have finished on 101 in 1001 days list.

60. Ride on a horse and buggy.

61. Hang out with Krystal A.

62. Hang out with someone I haven't seen since I graduated.

63. Go skiing.

64. Go to New Bedford Whaling City Festival.

65. Buy an airbrushed license plate.

66. Get glasses/contacts.

67. Swim in the ocean on January 1st.

68. Go vegetarian for one day.

69. See a movie at a drive in theatre.

70. Audition for American Idol.

71. Have a planned Halloween costume and actually go through with it.

72. Get a tattoo. ("Today is my day.")

73. Get the cartilege of my left ear pierced.

74. Forgive someone I don't want to forgive. To get rid of some of the toxicity in my life.

75. Go to an Amusement Park I haven't been to since I was a kid.

76. Go to a comedy club.

77. Get as many of my friends and family to take pictures with me in the FotoFun booth at the Galleria Mall.

78. Visit Jess at school.

79. Visit Victoria at school.

80. Consume at least 4 green beans.

81. Watch the movie Requiem for a Dream.

82. Stand out in the pouring rain with all my clothes on.

83. Go ice skating.

84. Stay up all night until sunrise.

85. S.

86. Bc.

87. Sculpt something.

88. Take one picture of myself each day for 24 days straight.

~~89. Have the courage to tell her how you feel.~~ (completed on 1/15/08)

90. Organized Food Fight with as many friends as I can get involved.

91. Organized water balloon fight with as many friends as I can get involved.

92. Go to Roger Williams Park Zoo.

93. Go to Buttonwood Park Zoo.

94. Bring Mom and Dad to the Healthy Grille with Nathan.

95. Go through the process of getting my passport some time in March or April.

96. Sing at the Book Cafe on a Friday night.

97. Read all of the books in the Harry Potter series.

98. Buy Jeff a Wii.

99. Sing for my Bakery Coworkers, and/or give them my cd of my own recorded song.

100. Get a Ballerina Slipper key chain for Shirley LeRoux. "Dancing Shoes"

101.

Mood: optimistic

My Wednesday

Feb. 8th, 2008 at 3:00 PM

I'm so enthusiastic and excited about this song. It's a song I wrote the lyrics to about Jeff, for our anniversary. And my best friend's boyfriend was nice enough to help me out with it and write a piano part for it. He's extremely talented and definitely knows his stuff. Unfortunately, I don't. The only real talent I have is vocal. I don't read music or understand many technical terms. Let's just say I'm glad he was willing to look past that. He sent me sort of a rough draft of what he's been working on for the song so far and it's beautiful. I love and miss singing so much and I'm just so excited to be doing this. And actually finishing a song of my own. I can't wait to get together with him to collaborate some more.

Besides the fact that Derek is being so awesome about this song thing, he also seems to be a great guy in general. I met him for the first time, two days ago and it was really nice. We had lunch together, he suggested this delicious authentic Mexican restaurant, which was thoroughly enjoyable, (did I mention Mexican food is like my favorite food ever). Then Nathan and I attended a special Ash Wednesday mass with him, at a church in which he sings in the choir. The music was beautiful and it just felt good to be in church again, not having been in quite some time. Then we went bad to Derek's apartment and we serenaded over a delicious homemade dinner. I think I pretty much liked Derek way before I met him, because of all the sweet things Nathan says about him, and how happy he seems to make him. Nothing is more important to me than Nate's happiness, and with the sweet smile I see on his face, at every mention of Derek's name, I know he's very happy. And that makes me very happy = )

Mood: ecstatic

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